Fresh off the endorphin high of performing on stage in front of a room full of strangers, their glazed eyes judging you from the dark and glinting back at you in their silent appraisal, we made our way out to the van. Sure, the clapping can help you gauge how well you performed and whether your jokes landed any solid blows to the funny bone, but sometimes people clap to be polite and, well, when you're an insecure performer looking to critique and dissect your own performance, it can be absolutely torturous trying to deduce the audience's take. We ended up lingering awhile, watching the storm brewing over Henderson and admiring the lightning while we caught up and tried to assure Ceedro of his performance's success. To be fair, Ceedro's performance went over exceptionally well, his ukelele cover garnering lots of honest laughter from the crowd as he sang- he even won the spotlight for main performer the next week! Even with all the accolades, and promise of cash upon completion of his headlining performance the next week, it can be hard to appreciate your own worth. Ceedro, like a lot of us out here, is an incredibly talented and exceptional human being who really struggles to feel confident or comfortable in acknowledging or accepting that fact. Everyone around can see how awesome he is, it's part of why we go out of our way to try to spend time together, but the self-esteem is hurting. When you look at your own reflection and struggle to embrace it, the compliments and praises of your peers can roll right off, losing out to the negative inner voices. This is something I struggle with myself, and has hindered me in many ways throughout my life- for years I was too afraid to commit to my blog out of a deep insecurity that no one would find my words worth reading. "Who am I to write?" I'd think. "My opinions/experiences/travels/etc. are worthless" were the sort of phrases I'd find myself rattling around, like a kitten with a ball of yarn. Fear is, well, scary. When you spend most of your life listening to the people who tear you down, tell you you're unworthy (even if that's your own inner voice), it's difficult to confront, let alone change, that mindset.
But here's the thing, guys- you HAVE to confront this self-defeating attitude in yourself if you ever want to get ahead. You might have to fake it for a while, puffing up with inflated bravado and plastering on a smile when you don't feel like it, but just by putting yourself out there and confronting those beliefs you're already making steps towards improving things. Trust me. You can't build yourself up and achieve greater things when you're stuck rolling in the mud of self-hate. The more you put yourself out there and push your comfort zone, the easier it gets to step out of it and with enough time and diligence you can completely change your mindset AND your life.
Enough pep talk? The point is, you need to believe in yourself first. From there, all things are possible. You're worth it, babes.
Of course, we needed to eat after all that entertainment! We went to the Badger Cafe, a little joint Antho and Ceedro had stopped in to when they worked in a haunted house together. It was great! Their build your own burger menu was especially fun. Just be wary of their wings- the Kickass wings are just that- kick ass!
Until next time, love yourself.
💖
XOXO,
NAU
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